My Fresh Hell
Life in Scribbletown.

Red Sees Dead People

2004-10-20
So, as some of you know, last week I attended the funeral of my brother-in-lawís father who died of cancer. Why is it, in situations like this, that the most inappropriate things pop into my headÖ..and sometimes make their way out of my mouth only to lay in the air like a quickly deflating zeppelin (oh, the humanity!) or a rain cloud on a windless day? Fortunately, this time my inappropriate-thing-to-say brain cell was not activated. Red came to the funeral with me because I am Redís meal ticket and Iíd rather breastfeed a baby in a church than drag a breast pump around with me and hunker in a toilet stall pumping away and freaking people out with the mechanical noise it makes. Rrr, rrr. Rrr, rrr. Never mind the sanitary issues.

Unlike Dusty, Red is not always happy in public. Sister Amblus picked her up and within seconds she began to wail. Ha! Amblus quickly returned said infant to me and we, and the surrounding oldsters who are drawn to babies like moths to flames, joked about what could possibly have caused this outburst. And, I almost said, ďRed sees dead people.Ē Lord. At a funeral. In front of the deceasedís wife, son, brother, etc. But, I didnít say it and I only confess to my awful thoughts here because I can. And, because itís so typical of me. Maybe it was the churchy atmosphere that I can barely deal with. But, I did my best to be well behaved. I might have slid under the holiness radar (which I thought would eject me bodily from the building) this time but only because I had the Baby Shield. Babies are great ways to extricate yourself from conversations (ooh, I think sheís hungry. Oops, time to change her.) and they give you a conversational topic at any moment. Which is good because I hate vacant chatting, small talk, blah blah blah. But, sure, I can talk about my children til kingdom come.

****

Fall has truly arrived. The trees are suddenly beautiful in their many shades of vermillion and russet and maize and amber against the foresty, olivey greens of the pine trees. The evergreens look like the arched backs of hedgehogs, hunched and turned away from the road like theyíre in the middle of an exciting craps game.

My car also seems to have turned into Autumn Death Magnet. I have managed to kill a squirrel, a crow (sucker flew right INTO my windshield), a snake, and a million zillion caterpillars. Sorry! I really, really didnít mean to run you over but itís generally not a good idea to attempt to cross my road. Speed limitís 55 and I go slightly above that. So, next time, you might just want to be happy on the side youíre on. Really, really sorry. I hate killing things. Iím a vegetarian for a variety of reasons, but killing things ranks pretty high up on the list of whys.

Other than that, I got nothiní. So, Iíll leave you with this quiz. Which I stole from another blog.

Alphabet Quiz (adapted from http://www.betweenthelakes.blogspot.com/)
A - Age: 38
B - Bands listening to right now: kd lang, Bee Gees, random jazz musicians
C - Career in future: published author
D - Dad's name: Charles
E - Easiest person to talk to: the mirror
F - Favorite song at the moment: ďJohn, Iím Only DancingĒ by Bowie
G - Gummy bears or gummy worms: No Gummy Ever!
H - Hometown: Capital of the Confederacy (lucky me!)
I - Instruments: married to a musician so we got it all
K - Kids: two fabuloso girls, aged almost-four-years-old and four months old
L - Longest car ride ever: as a child - Virginia to Michigan, in the summer, in an AMC Hornet station wagon with no a/c and sweaty peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in the squeaky foam cooler awaiting lunch time in Ohio by the side of the road. Good times.
M - Mom's name: Susanne
N - Number of siblings: 3
P - Phobia[s]: pulling a turtleneck over my head, suffocation, being buried alive, small spaces, etc.
Q - Favorite quote: Oh, I hate quotes. Next!
R - Reason to smile: my children, beer, pumpkin pie, a good book. Maybe not all at once
S - Song you sang last: everything on that kd lang CD I just bought: Hymns of the 49th Parallel.
T - Time you wake up: 6:40am
U - Unknown fact about me: I have the mark of Zorro on my wrist
V - Vegetable you hate: asparagus (poison!)
W - Worst habit: chewing my cuticles (Iíll keep the others to myself)
X - X-rays you've had: intestines - upper and lower GI tract, teeth
Y - Yummy food: homemade bread, pumpkin pie, chocolate cake, raspberry sorbet, spinach lasagne, cheese pizza
Z - Zodiac sign: Gemini & Cancer Ė born on the cusp

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