My Fresh Hell
Life in Scribbletown.


Have I been gone that long? My apologies. I have a good excuse, though: sick kids. Yes, not just one sick child. That would never do. Let’s get ‘em both sick so you can cancel plans to go out of town to visit the in-laws. Since you’d originally planned to see them after Christmas and…..guess what? That didn’t happen because…..(drum roll, please)…..the kids were sick!! Yes, gosh. My mother-in-law, a harmless though bland woman, probably thinks we don’t want to see her, that this“sick kid” business is all lies. Frankly, I think what it is is that the Forces of the Universe do not want us to travel and leave our pastoral existence. Life can be full of pleasure and happy times.

So I’ve heard. This weekend was not one of those times. A week ago, Dusty and I went to visit the ear doctor to celebrate her anniversary since tubes were surgically installed (thanks to 5 ear infections in 6 months—yay life!). Upon examination, the doctor said the tubes had fallen out on their own (good news). Dusty then passed her hearing test with flying colors (pink and purple would be my guess, knowing Dusty as I do; also, good news), and we left after the doctor proclaimed, “Everything looks great! Now, if she starts getting ear infections again, you’ll bring her back.” Famous last words.

Last Saturday, after a playdate with friends at the Science Museum, after a day of twelve seasons of weather (wind, rain, snowstorm, freezing rain, sleet, sun, fucking rain) in a five hour period, Dusty was bedraggled and fell asleep in the car on the way home. She did not look good. Temperature? 102 degrees. Cripes. Her temperature rose and fell over the next two days and she seemed to be doing okay, said her ear hurt a little but other than a boogery nose, she appeared fine. Until the preschool called on Thursday to say she was running a fever. Sigh. The ultimate diagnosis? Ear infection, natch.

And, of course, Pig Baby at Red’s sitter brought in the Plague because his parents are stupid and selfish and brought their child – with a stomach virus in full force – to the sitter’s and he gave it to everyone. Red got it on Friday. So, the two of us were quarantined in the bedroom for a day and a half while Dusty was raised by a pack of wolves in the rest of the house. Er, no. By my husband. Who does not resemble a wolf in the least.

It was fun! In order to keep Red from becoming dehydrated, she needed to be nursed about every half hour – for just a couple minutes – until she’d not puked in 8 hours. Red did okay but was angry that she couldn’t just nurse and nurse and nurse to her heart’s content because she felt lousy and that’s all she wanted to do. I didn’t blame her but the whining and crying got to be a bit much by the end of the day. And then she relapsed and we had to start all over again.

I thank all the gods worshipped by religious folk all over the world that none of the rest of us caught it (fingers still crossed because I am paranoid) as of this minute. And life returns to normal once again.

Oh, and if you have a friend or relative who is expecting a baby and you’re wondering what to give as a gift? Here’s a helpful list of Things Red Loves To Play With. You might even have these items just gathering dust in your trash can or recycling bin right this minute! And you were foolishly going to just throw them away! Babies around the planet are weeping in dismay!

Red’s Favorite Toys:
1. Empty wrapping paper tube
2. Plastic coffee can lid
3. Broken computer keyboard
4. Any random bits of thread or dust or bit of dried leaf that's discovered embedded in the carpet.

Other Things Red Likes to Play With:
1. Fisher Price Farm – this was given to Dusty an eon ago and it’s still a Family Favorite. Red’s favorite sound is the chicken: “Buck buck buck bu-GAH!”
2. You know that stacking thing that rocks and holds donut-shaped circles of plastic in graduated sizes? Red likes the thing the donuts go on. How’s that for a description?
3. Dusty’s FP pirate ship. Har! Avast, ye mateys, what do I spy? It’s me eyes deceive? Could I be lookin’ down me spyglass the wrong way? It do seem to be a giant baby coming straight out of the briney sea! But, how can that be? No, put me down, you thing from Hades! No, not in the mouth! Help! Put me down, I say! Aaaarrrggghhhakdjkalfjdklf...


12:02 p.m. ::
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