My Fresh Hell
Life in Scribbletown.

Cheese and Beer at the Food Monger

Well, that was a nice little break – so nice it must be documented so that I can remember how nice life can be when things go right. I had four days off in a row. A damned and blasted miracle. And? Nothing went wrong. There was no sickness, no last minute changes of plan (except for one minor thing), nothing exploded, nobody got hurt or whiny….oooh, I may even be tempting fate by even talking about it. But, I’m willing to take that chance. Here goes:

Friday: I lied to the sitter when she asked if I had any time off over Easter because I pay her to watch Red 3 days a week and I really, really, really needed some baby-free time. I love me some Redness but I had plans to paint the laundry/art room and it is not possible to paint with a baby in the house. Unless someone else is there to tend to its insatiable needs. So, I told the sitter I had to work. Then, the phone rang on Thursday night (when our phone rings, it’s NEVER good news) and the sitter just had to go to the chiropractor’s in the morning and she’d call when she was back. Sigh. Okay, so I won’t start painting until later. Red was kind enough to entertain herself long enough for me to make soda bread for the Sunday luncheon chez mom. Then, I packed Red off – and she was the only baby there, all the others were home with their good mommies, while Red’s lying and deceitful mommy just waved goodbye – and drove home to coat the trim of our laundry room in dark gray and the walls in a yellowy lemon grass. It’s quite lovely. And it only took me four days to finish it. Because I didn’t get started until noon. Oh well. It’s done now.

Dusty was super excited because I let her stay up PAST HER BEDTIME to watch The Easter Beagle on real TV. It was as cute as I remember it – Snoopy peers into a sugar egg and watches little bunnies dance in a circle. And then he joins them and does a little floppy Snoopy solo in the middle as the bunnies clap. Awww!

Saturday: Red and I go grocery shopping and I buy 3 boxes of GIRL SCOUT COOKIES. I am in heaven. The best part about shopping with babies is that babies do not tell on you and so Dusty has no idea that such delicacies are in the house. My husband and I are rapidly eating through a box each of Thin Mints, Samoas, and Chocolate Chocolate Chips. Mmmm.

Then, Dusty and I dyed eggs. And then Dusty experimented with the rest of the dye and all the colors ended up that green-gray color you get when you mix up all colors in the universe. Delicious. But she did make some pretty eggs. She’s got the artist’s eye.

Then, I made pasta salad for Sunday with pesto tortellini – in a walnut, pine nut, olive oil sauce. It was pretty damn tasty.

And then Red woke up every single hour of the night. Damn baby. This not-sleeping thing is her only real flaw. Luckily, she won’t always be nine months old. And when she’s not, I’ll miss her nine month old self. Nothing’s fair.

Sunday: Lunch at mom’s where my sister and our husbands struggled to continue conversations that my mother constantly interrupted. She’s like a three-year-old, I swear. It doesn’t matter what you’re talking about, she’ll just run right over you with a torrent of words that do not necessarily have anything to do with the conversation she’s just cut off. It’s not that I don’t love her, but she’s……..a challenge sometimes. Food was good, though. And then we left.

Monday: Again, pretending I had to work, I packed Red off and Dusty and I headed off for a shopping expedition since her preschool was closed. We went to Target and Dusty got some new spring duds. The kid loves clothes and enjoyed herself immensely. Then, we had lunch at a happenin’ coffee house which serves her favorite food: bagels with cream cheese. I had mine with hummus. There were chips. And orange juice. Dusty never stopped talking. She wondered aloud if the people around us were eating meat, if the man in the sandals would get wet feet because it was pouring down rain, if we’d get fat eating the potato chips, why there were books in the restaurant, what someone on the other side of restaurant was laughing about, whether I thought the clothed elephant statue reminded me of Babar, on and on and on. But, she was a good companion. We went by the library and stocked up. Then, we went to Food Lion because she wanted muenster cheese and I wanted beer. At a stop light, she asked,

“Mommy, where’s the fish monger?”
“Fish monger?” I looked to my left and there was a Captain D’s, “Well, there’s a seafood restaurant right there.”
”See-food?” she laughed. (See-food is when you open your mouth, full of food, and let the other person “see” your food. Ha. Ha……yeah. Um. Anyway.)
“We’re going to Food Lion.”
”Food LION? Food Monger!”
“Food Monger? That’s a much better name.”
”It is?”
“Yeah. We’re going to the Food Monger.”
“Why do you think?”
”Monster cheese! And beer!”
“Right. Cheese and beer.”

So, Food Monger it is. Food Lion is just about the stupidest name for a grocery store I’ve ever heard.

Then home again, home again, jiggity jig, where I put the laundry/art room back together, washed dishes, washed Dusty’s new clothes so she could wear them right after her nap, and started dinner (butternut squash stew).

The vacation extravaganza was capped off with the arrival of our TAX REFUND! Sweet jeebus, it’s enough to make me consider having three children.

No. Not really. Seriously, I was kidding.


1:38 p.m. ::
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