My Fresh Hell
Life in Scribbletown.

Run Away Bunny!

In honor of the birthday of Margaret Wise Brown this month, I've decided to re-write one of her classics, "The Runaway Bunny." Enjoy.

Once there was a little bunny who wanted to run away.
So he said to his mother, “I am running away.”
“If you run away,” said his mother, “I will run after you. For you are my little bunny.”

The little bunny saw a scary glint in his mother’s eye.
“If you run after me,” said the little bunny,“I will jump on a train and leave town.”

“If you jump on a train and leave town,” said his mother,
“I will buy the railroad company, stop all the outgoing trains and hunt you down.”

The little bunny gave an uncomfortable laugh,
“If you buy the railroad company, stop all the outgoing trains and hunt me down,I will go live with daddy.”

“If you go live with your father,” growled his mother,
“I will call my lawyer and change the custody agreement.”

“If you call your lawyer and change the custody agreement,” said the frightened little bunny, “I’ll divorce you like in that movie.”

His mother got up from the sofa and looked out the rabbit hole window. After a moment, she replied, “If you divorce me I’ll snatch you up and put you in the cellar.”

The bunny got up from his warm place in front of the fire and walked slowly to the exit hole of the den, “If you snatch me up and put me in the cellar, I’ll scream until the police come.”

His mother quickly turned from the window and stared at him, there in the doorway,
“If you scream, no one will hear you.
“Because you are my little bunny and don’t you forget it.”

“Shucks,” said the bunny, trying his best to sound lighthearted, like this was all a joke,
“I might just as well stay where I am and be your little bunny.”

And so he did.
“Have a carrot,” said the mother bunny.
The little bunny took the carrot, which smelled a little funny, and nibbled at it.
“How about a story before naptime,” his mother asked.
“Sure,” whispered the bunny.
And so she began, “In the great, green room there was...”


In birthday related news, I am trying to think of something different to treat myself to for my upcoming Major Milestone Birthday. The three ideas I had are:

1. Pottery class. Upon investigation, there is not a pottery class to be had for the right price on a weekend. All the classes in the area are for ladies of leisure and are held at ridiculous times like 10:30am on a Tuesday. Next!

2. Fortune telling/palm reading. While this would be fascinating, I'm a little scared to call the local lady in the phone book for fear of, I don't know what. Maybe she'll be too expensive and I'll have to say "no, thank you." Maybe it'll appear to be reasonable but I'll get caught in some upward spiral of payment that I won't be able to control. I'm too fearful of how this all works to make any progress. I know you may say, "What could a phone call hurt? What's the worst she can say or do? She doesn't know you from Eve!" But maybe she does. And, I remind you of my phone phobia. This is a Cold Call - the worst kind of phone call of all of them.

3. Massage. This leaves us with option #3 - a full-hour massage at the place where I get my hair cut. It's a bit pricey but I think everything is. Plus, I love nothing more than a massage. A whole hour of it would be heaven.

I don't know. What do you think? Can you suggest something else?


1:26 p.m. ::
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