My Fresh Hell
Life in Scribbletown.

Cousin Oliver Gave Dusty a Gummy Worm


Clearly I am overwrought these days. Clearly I am losing it. So, to move beyond my need to vent and bitch and get a-r-o-u-n-d the dark cloud (since I can’t seem to get through it), I will list a few things that have not been listed. A random documenting of items of no interest.

The Garden. She is finally happy and producing. The household is now chock full of yellow squash, zucchini, green peppers, basil, chili peppers and cucumbers. Salad, anyone? The beans are finally growing and looping their happy tendrils up the stakes but we may not see an actual bean until August. Because Mr. G. Hog decimated three entire attempts to grow them. Finally, my super colossal fencing efforts seem to be paying off. Finally, we have no more intruders. I am seeing baby cantaloupe (awww, and he’s cuter than that baby panda my mother keeps sending me pictures of over email) and tiny, baby butternut squash. The marigolds and zinnias and nasturtium have been allowed to grow and bloom. Ah, tis a pretty sight! The flower beds in the front are also looking splendid. We have one – count ‘em – one little sunflower that got overlooked by Mr. Hog so we may have one single sunflower this year. Next year, I’ll be a bit more prepared. The garden will be nothing but Alcatraz-style fencing: chicken wire and bird netting. Possibly with some of that looped barbed wire across the tops if need be.

The Call. I got “the call” yesterday from the preschool. I always cringe when the phone makes its “outside line” ring because it could be bad news. I am a pessimist and here I’ve been proved correct, “Ms. FreshHell, this is BlahBlah from XYZ Center. Dusty’s had an accident….” Turns out Dusty jumped into the pool and instead of facing into the pool, she turned at the last minute and her chin made contact with the concrete pool edge. Makes me shudder just to think about it. She scraped the hell out of her chin and bit the inside of her lip. Hard. Fortunately, she did not need stitches. I came bearing ibuprofen and bactine (which, though the label said “No sting” actually did sting. Because Dusty is my child, she wants to write to the company to complain about the blatant lie. “Maybe if they said, “Yes sting” it wouldn’t sting.”) and some TLC. She was still in her bathing suit, shivering underneath a towel and her nap blanket. A teacher brought her clothes so she could change. Cousin Oliver’s doppelganger, though, was in the office peering up at us over his glasses so we moved into the teacher’s lounge for a bit more privacy. I promised to bring her a treat (ballerina Barbi3) when I picked her up that afternoon and all was well again.

Dusty and I have spent a good bit of time lately rock grubbing or as she calls it “rock finding” like Pippi Longstockings’ “thing finding” exercise. We are digging under fir trees on the property for the one hundred million field stones that lay just under the surface. When we’ve collected enough, I’m going to build a new retaining wall around the flower beds in front and get rid of the awful landscaping ties that are falling apart and rotting. Dusty’s taken on this chore with an amusing-to-watch gusto. “After dinner, can we go rock finding again? Maybe before baths?” Sunday, I went in to do another load of laundry and Dusty continued digging until an enormous – “Five inches long!” – red ant crawled up to her and freaked her out. She’s a fan of dirt but not of the things that lurk within. Not that I blame her.

Painting. The bathroom is done. I have a few touch-ups to do where the edging tape pulled off some paint but other than that… less redneck/hillbilly dumping ground room! Hurray! I tore off the greenish carpet that surrounded the raised jetted tub and painted the plywood red. It’s so ridiculously 1970’s “house plant book” now, it makes me happy to have pulled it off. There will be pictures forthcoming, rest assured.

Work. Funny what these kids in high school get suspended for. One for kissing her boy friend (at a Lutheran school) where they could be seen (horror!) and another for playing a role in a food fight. He didn’t instigate it; more guilt by association. Glad some things haven’t changed (Having fun, that is, not ridiculous suspensions. I won’t even GO there.).

Spelling/Giving a Damn in Corporate America. I bought two products lately with misspellings on the packaging. The companies, though, took very different routes to correct (or not) the mistake. For the recent birthday party at The Cheese, we gave the birthday girl a P0lly P0ckets set from the company that makes Barbi3s. I noticed that the back of the box said, “Dolls do not stand alone.” The word “alone” was actually a sticker applied to the packaging. What, I wondered, was underneath? Why, the word “alont” which is not a word as you may be aware. Somebody caught the mistake post-production and the company was concerned/embarassed enough to have the correctly-spelled word printed as a sticker and stuck to the packaging. A+ Matt3l! Go on up the ladder!

Now, I also, at the same time and place, bought new floor mats for my car. First time ever. They are black rubber. The package states “For Your Vehicles Use.” No apostrophe S. No attempt to correct overlooked mistake – which is large and in-your-face and on both sides of the packaging. In fact, I’d bet they STILL haven’t noticed the error. F- Rubb3rma1d. F-! Back down the chute!

Pierce Brosnan. *sigh* During my horrendous mood last week, I went to the official PB fan site and downloaded a PB wallpaper for my computer. Now, my desktop is super, super sweet! I also got a personal e-mail from PB himself thanking me for joining his fan club! Saah-wooon!

Wait. You mean it wasn’t from him personally? That it was just an automated response? Well, since you insist on bringing me down, you can exempt yourself from the next paragraph.

CD Offer. Yes, folks I’m offering another free CD mix (courtesy of my talented friend Cece)! This one’s a winner for kids and adults, for those ages one to one hundred! It’s Transportation Tunes! Many songs about transportation – buses, cars, trolleys, semis, you name it. Everything from Judy Garland singing, “Ding, ding, ding, went the trolley!” to Jerry Reed singing about Smokey and the Bandit (Breaker, breaker, one-nine!) to everyone’s favorite ‘70’s tune, “Car Wash”! If ya want your own copy, just send me a note via e-mail. You’ll be glad you did!

P.S. – Thanks for all the notes I made you all write. Sometimes it’s nice to know the universe is not void of life, ya know?


10:17 a.m. ::
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