My Fresh Hell
Life in Scribbletown.

Thinking Thoughts

2006-11-09

I find it eerie when my horoscope is right. Here’s what it says for today:

“A lighter mood earlier in the day segues into some soul-searching. Keeping a sense of perspective is important when you ask yourself the bigger questions. Call a friend if you feel yourself going too deeply.”

Yeah. I woke up this morning after a night of reeaaally good sleep and saw Vanilla Head Baby (the baby doll whose plastic head smells like vanilla) still sitting up on the record cabinet by the television.

Now I know who to credit for the Democratic victory. I’d forgotten that around 10:30pm on Tuesday night – and things were still iffy in the senate race – I looked down to find Vanilla Head face down on the hedgehog footstool. It seemed she wasn’t getting the respect she deserved. I picked her up and suddenly felt...that she possessed some undescribeable force within her. I can’t tell you the feeling in words but I held VH in my hand and could feel her mojo working. I moved her toward the tv and back again, like a talisman or a voodoo object, sending signals to the voting results, the pundits, the powers that decide all things. The vibrations were thick, like oatmeal, and multi-colored (clearly VH needs to have her aura checked) and right before I went to bed, I placed VH next to the television so she could continue to work her magic on this election.

And it worked! VH will be quite active in 2008. I can guarantee you that.

After my shower, I poured myself a cup of coffee and heard Red talking to herself, singing, in her room. I went in and she was singing something that sounded like, “Wack! Wack! What do you see?” Eventually I realized she was singing her own version of Eric Carle’s “Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See”. So we all sung it to her while I changed her clothes and brought her into the kitchen for her breakfast.

So, I left work this morning on a high note. Everyone was healthy and happy. No whine-fests to quell or spills to clean.

Then, I got in my car and drove off and….I don’t know. I started to have one of those quiet panic attacks where I THINK TOO MUCH about what ifs – you know, bad what ifs. I started thinking – driving behind a million cars that were behind three or four school buses – how quick everything could change. I thought back to a recent tragic accident in which three Boy Scouts and the driver died in a vehicle on the way home from a camping weekend. How the car just went off the road – I think; I haven’t been following the story closely because I try to not know about things like this – and hit a tree. Why? To avoid a squirrel? A second of inattention? A swerving car in their path? Who knows?

And yesterday I did research on a lost alumnus who was recently found. Turns out his only son died at 23 and left behind a small boy, the alum’s grandson. There was no mention how this happened. Could have been anything.

I put Dusty on a bus every morning and hope for the best. I take Red to her school three days a week and just trust that we’ll make it there and back in one piece. That’s a lot of faith to place in the universe and other people. Especially when those other people are talking on cell phones or fooling around with text messages or IPods and not watching where they’re driving.

I really miss not having Dusty in my car every day now because she keeps me from having these thoughts. I cannot be trusted when alone. My mind is too dangerous. I need to focus on good things, what I can control.

Which reminds me: I need to buy beer today. And begin to make my holiday gift purchases. And plan Dusty’s sixth birthday party (SIX? OH MY GOD!). Stuff like that.

Yeah, that’s what I’ll do.

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11:58 a.m. ::
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