Fun Poops
I was gonna write the �I was a weird kid� essay but it�s not gelling (sp?) yet so I�ll give you a tossed off pet peeve entry. Sorry. You can stop here and do something more interesting if you wish. I�ll understand.
Things that irritate me to death include:
Sounds
1. Gum chewing. I have a very, very hard time being around gum chewers. Especially those that do it (like the person I supervise) open mouthed. It�s a nasty cow-like habit and I can�t stand it. So, if you see me coming, stick that wad in a tissue before you open your mouth, okay? Because I�ll still be nice to you and talk to you but I�ll be cringing on the inside. Finger nails on a blackboard.
2. Sucking/slurping on a water bottle. This is something else that my supervisee does. She has a large bottle (holds a pint of liquid, maybe more?) of water that she carries every where she goes. That in and of itself I don�t understand because really, if we�re meeting in my office, the meeting ain�t gonna last more than 30 minutes to an hour. You will not dehydrate in that amount of time. In an air conditioned office. When you�ve been drinking water continuously all damn day. But, what�s worse is that it�s like one of those bottles that attach to a bicycle � with a spout on the top. So she sucks, suck, sucks down water like a gerbil does in a cage. And that�s exactly what it reminds me of. And I�ve told her this before � in a joking way because I like her but she drives me insane nonetheless � but she keeps doing it.
3. Nail clipping. Clipping my own nails does not bother me. But listening to others clip their nails? Oh. My. God. Just stop. Stop! Or at least wait until I�m far enough away that I can�t hear that clipping sound. Egads!
4. Flossing. My husband is ferocious about flossing his teeth. Me? Not so much. Part of the reason I�m not really into it (and here�s where that �embarrassing revelation� comes in to play), is that I absolutely cannot put the same bit of floss into more than one slot, especially if food particles emerge. Which means I have to pull out more floss until I have a clean enough space for both hands and the next slot between the next two teeth. So, I tend to waste a lot of floss. And, I am guilty about the waste. So, I don�t floss very often. Crazy, I know. But, that�s how it is. But, to get back to the main point: I cannot stand to hear that pock, pock, pock sound of my husband flossing his teeth. And we have those shitty hollow doors in our house so even though the door�s closed to the bathroom I have to move to another part of the house or put my fingers in my ears until he�s done.
5. Food eating sounds: slurping, chewing, crunching. Oooh, I just cannot bear listening to people chew food � potato chips and other crunchy snacks are bad enough, especially if the person eating has a rhythm. You know? Crunch-crunch-CRUNCHCRUNCH. Crunch-crunch-CRUNCHCRUNCH. Eeee. Popsicles are bad, too. That hard to avoid slurping that happens, especially near the bottom when it begins to melt. And I�ll tell you: when Dusty was born I really, really worried that listening to a small child eat would actually make me crazy because kids eat with their mouths open and make all kinds of horrible eating noises. But actually I can handle most kid-eating noises. I can even deal with Red�s penchant for chewing food up and then deciding she no longer wants it in her mouth, reaching in to retrieve the unwanted mass and depositing it on the table, the floor, my hand or my dinner plate. Lovely. Thanks all the same darling, but I really don�t want your chewed-up black olive. And I certainly don�t want it on top of my lasagna.
6. Whistling. I�m sure I�ve mentioned this before some time ago. I cannot bear the sound of whistling. Especially when it�s some old codger in the grocery store an aisle or so away who�s just letting loose and trilling on top of it all. I�ve actually left stores without purchasing what I came for in order to escape random old man whistling.
7. Ring tones. I hate cell phones just on principal but I really hate all these bizarre sounds they utter. And they always scare me, so unexpected are they, coming from pockets and purses and jackets like noise ghosts. What the hell is wrong with just a regular old ring? I mean, who cares if you can�t then distinguish your phone from half of the room�s? That�s not really my problem. You and your stupid ring tone (put it on vibrate, please) are intruding in my ear space. Put a lid on it and do not ever let it play that song all the way through! ESPECIALLY if it's "..a way down Sooouuuuth in Dixie." Thank you, The Management.
I have other pet peeves but I need to skedaddle! Perhaps I�ll rant a bit more tomorrow. Ta!
P.S. A little comedy for you. Dusty and I were at the grocery store on Saturday and we passed the Freez-Pops display. The hand-made typed sign above the display read, "Fun Poops." I kid you not. I made Dusty read it to me so that I would have a witness. It was the one occasion that I wished I had a camera phone thingy because I have a feeling that sign's gone now.
