Winter! What is it Good For?
Thing One: Yesterday afternoon, I received the following e-mail from Dusty�s teacher:
Good Morning Mrs. FreshHell! Dusty and I are very excited to share with you that Dusty read a story to me as well as a word list. She was very happy and willing to read and we were so excited.
Have a wonderful day!
Dusty and Mrs. White
How �bout them apples? Dusty was duly rewarded with some Barb1e outfits from my secret private stash and I picked up some cinnamon twist cookie things from the Food Monger on my way home. It�s a proud, proud day!
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Cold & Winter � What�s so good about them? Not much. I did try to come up with some good things about winter but I�m not entirely convinced. Here�s my list:
Good: Fires in the fireplace
Bad: Fire has the potential to kill small (curious, pyromaniac) children. Also, wood pile possibly contains black widow spiders. I could die trying to keep warm!
Bad, Also: Chim, Chim-in-ey - fireplaces don�t clean themselves.
Good: No more expensive a/c
Bad: Lots of expensive heat.
Bad, Also: While no a/c in the summer is just plain miserable, no heat in the winter can kill you.
Good: Bugs are dead.
Bad: Who cares? It�s too cold to enjoy the outdoors anyway.
Good: The leaves change colors and are beautiful for a few days.
Bad: Then all the leaves fall and the trees are naked and it�s Dead City until April.
Good: Soup and stews and warm foods.
Bad: Everybody�s sick so nobody�s eating nuthin�.
Good: Fucking Daylight Savings Time is OVAH! I hate that shit.
Bad: It�s already dark at 3:00pm.
Bad, Also: The sun is always too low in the sky and blinding me.
Good: Gives me an excuse to just curl up with a good book.
Bad: Can�t send children outside to play so that I can just curl up with a good book.
Good: Planning next year�s garden.
Bad: No current garden to play in. Everything�s DEAD.
Good: Christmas Vacation
Bad: Somebody�s always sick during the holidays.
Bad, Also: Holidays mean close proximity to relatives.
Good: Santa
Bad: I�m Santa
Good: Christmas shows like �Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown� and Rudolph.
Bad: Christmas shows with Garfield.
Good: Watching the snow fall at home when I don�t have to go anywhere.
Bad: Sitting in my office watching it sleet and snow and knowing I have to get home in it.
Bad, Also: Having to scrape off the 3 inches of ice hiding under 5 inches of snow from my windshield before I can go anywhere the next day.
Bad, More Also: Snow that�s just enough to be dangerous but not enough to keep me home.
Good: No more applying sun screen to multiple people.
Bad: Layers of clothes: sweaters, coats, mittens, scarves...strewn all over the damn house!
Bad, Also: Those miserable, rainy cold days where your feet are perpetually wet and you feel like you�re coming down with something even when you�re not.
Good: Spring�s coming!
Bad: I gotta wait five damn months for it!
Now, I�m not a total grinch. I love the holiday trappings: Xmas tree and decorations and pumpkin pie (mmmm...pumpkin pie), it�s just I hate being stuck inside. My kids hate being stuck inside. We all hate being sick. I hate being cold and it seems I'm always cold these days.
Maybe we need to just get really rich so we can buy a winter home on the West Coast overlooking the ocean or, like, Hawaii, which is IN the ocean. Yeah, Mele Kalikimaka, Everyone!
