My Fresh Hell
Life in Scribbletown.

Powk Chawps & Applesawce


“You know what would be good?” Dusty asked me this morning.
“If a band came to our house.”
“That would be good.”
“Then we could freak out!”


I had my own little freak-out moment yesterday afternoon. I was driving into the city to meet a friend (Psst! Buy her books!) for lunch [who gave me a lovely vegan cookbook for my birthday]. I had a Bowie CD in the player because I haven’t shifted my CDs around yet and that’s what was still in the car. I decided, eh, I’m kinda tired of this, and switched over to NPR even though I really hate radio these days because it’s all chatter.

Moments before, I had been thinking about the records I own [and that I'd made the kids listen to The English Beat the other day and maybe I'd play the Price albums next], most of which are Bowie related, including a green vinyl copy of "Peter and the Wolf" which he narrates, and what should be on the local public radio station but Peter and the Wolf. With a British voice narrating.

For a minute, I thought it was Bowie. Which freaked me the hell out. It isn’t often that you’re thinking of a song, a piece of music, and then hear it on the radio! Especially not something that obscure. I mean, maybe that happened more often 20 years ago, but radio isn’t the same as it used to be. It used to not suck so much and’s obsolete as far as I’m concerned. But, as I listened, I realized it wasn’t Bowie at all. Just some voice from the same area of England that Bowie’s from [near Brixton, if you're curious]. I don't know who it was. Maybe I’ll call them and ask. Or, maybe I’ll just let it be a mystery.

Last night, I was watching my favorite Wednesday show: Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares when a thunderstorm knocked out the satellite signal (and almost left us in total darkness) during the last 15 minutes. Which sucks. This show rules, though. Gordon Ramsay is not the constantly cursing asshole he portrays on Hell’s Kitchen. He simply tries to knock some sense into the owners of failing restaurants. What usually turns out to be wrong is owners with no business experience never mind restaurant experience, bad chefs or chefs with over-inflated egos who try to over impress customers and end up alienating them, chefs who do not understand their customers, generally bad management, bad menus, bad cooking. He is blunt but not obnoxious. He does not sugar coat the problems and offers solutions. He cusses (and, god, I do love that about him, I have to admit) but he’s also trying to help. After all, the owners have contacted him for his expertise and want to save their investment so it’s in their best interest to listen. At least you’d think so. Some of these owners are so incredibly stubborn, they deserve what they get. Near the end of the show, Ramsay goes back to the restaurant, after some time has passed, and see how things are going. Usually, the news is good. Last week, though, the help came too late and the landlord evicted the restaurant. The owners lost all their money. Oh well.

Hell’s Kitchen, on the other hand, is a contest. Another one of those reality show type contests where one person will win whatever the prize is. And all the contestants are pitted against each other in not so healthy ways. In this case, the prize is a restaurant – stake in a restaurant in Las Vegas and the job of executive chef. I really don’t know why anyone in their right mind would want to own a restaurant. Who wants that much grief? It’s very boot-camp oriented and Ramsays yells and curses at the sad, pathetic contestants throughout every show. But you know, as often as that irks me, I also like it in some way because some of these losers deserve it. And? It’s not like they don’t know what they’ve gotten themselves into. Much like my favorite show, Survivor, Hell’s Kitchen is very much a survival of the fittest. The prize must be worth the suffering they put themselves through because nobody forced them to sign up and agree to be on the show. And we all know that even the losers have gotten the kind of exposure you simply can't pay for. And of course, since it’s a Fox Network show, it’s gotta be over the top so you’ve just got to expect to be treated badly to some degree.

Mmmm, speaking of cooking, I just pulled a loaf of zucchini bread out of the oven that Dusty helped me bake before she went for her nap. It’s good. Want the recipe?

And, here’s two jokes from Dusty:

“Why did the turtle cross the road?”
“It was the chicken’s day off.”

“Why did the lamb cross the road?”
“Applesauce was chasing him!”

See, even vegetarian can make carnivore jokes. And, it goes without saying (and yet I must say it), after this last joke you have to say, “Pork chops and applesauce” like Peter Brady does.
EDIT: Oh! I added a few scanned photos of yours truly as a child (taken by my father, a professional photographer). See any resemblance to D & R?


2:44 p.m. ::
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