My Fresh Hell
Life in Scribbletown.

Winter! What is it Good For?

One thing and then Iíll bitch about the weather.

Thing One: Yesterday afternoon, I received the following e-mail from Dustyís teacher:

Subject: A note from Dusty and Mrs. White

Good Morning Mrs. FreshHell! Dusty and I are very excited to share with you that Dusty read a story to me as well as a word list. She was very happy and willing to read and we were so excited.

Have a wonderful day!

Dusty and Mrs. White

How Ďbout them apples? Dusty was duly rewarded with some Barb1e outfits from my secret private stash and I picked up some cinnamon twist cookie things from the Food Monger on my way home. Itís a proud, proud day!


Cold & Winter Ė Whatís so good about them? Not much. I did try to come up with some good things about winter but Iím not entirely convinced. Hereís my list:

Good: Fires in the fireplace
Bad: Fire has the potential to kill small (curious, pyromaniac) children. Also, wood pile possibly contains black widow spiders. I could die trying to keep warm!
Bad, Also: Chim, Chim-in-ey - fireplaces donít clean themselves.

Good: No more expensive a/c
Bad: Lots of expensive heat.
Bad, Also: While no a/c in the summer is just plain miserable, no heat in the winter can kill you.

Good: Bugs are dead.
Bad: Who cares? Itís too cold to enjoy the outdoors anyway.

Good: The leaves change colors and are beautiful for a few days.
Bad: Then all the leaves fall and the trees are naked and itís Dead City until April.

Good: Soup and stews and warm foods.
Bad: Everybodyís sick so nobodyís eating nuthiní.

Good: Fucking Daylight Savings Time is OVAH! I hate that shit.
Bad: Itís already dark at 3:00pm.
Bad, Also: The sun is always too low in the sky and blinding me.

Good: Gives me an excuse to just curl up with a good book.
Bad: Canít send children outside to play so that I can just curl up with a good book.

Good: Planning next yearís garden.
Bad: No current garden to play in. Everythingís DEAD.

Good: Christmas Vacation
Bad: Somebodyís always sick during the holidays.
Bad, Also: Holidays mean close proximity to relatives.

Good: Santa
Bad: Iím Santa

Good: Christmas shows like ďMerry Christmas, Charlie BrownĒ and Rudolph.
Bad: Christmas shows with Garfield.

Good: Watching the snow fall at home when I donít have to go anywhere.
Bad: Sitting in my office watching it sleet and snow and knowing I have to get home in it.
Bad, Also: Having to scrape off the 3 inches of ice hiding under 5 inches of snow from my windshield before I can go anywhere the next day.
Bad, More Also: Snow thatís just enough to be dangerous but not enough to keep me home.

Good: No more applying sun screen to multiple people.
Bad: Layers of clothes: sweaters, coats, mittens, scarves...strewn all over the damn house!
Bad, Also: Those miserable, rainy cold days where your feet are perpetually wet and you feel like youíre coming down with something even when youíre not.

Good: Springís coming!
Bad: I gotta wait five damn months for it!

Now, Iím not a total grinch. I love the holiday trappings: Xmas tree and decorations and pumpkin pie (mmmm...pumpkin pie), itís just I hate being stuck inside. My kids hate being stuck inside. We all hate being sick. I hate being cold and it seems I'm always cold these days.

Maybe we need to just get really rich so we can buy a winter home on the West Coast overlooking the ocean or, like, Hawaii, which is IN the ocean. Yeah, Mele Kalikimaka, Everyone!


9:18 a.m. ::
prev :: next